Como nasce um viciado

(16:58:49)
Lex: Uhg! Me want to play RPG! Where it is the players!?!?!!
Gude: I am here. Thy will is shared by the Thirteen Elven Gods of the Zenith.
Gude: I live.
Lex: Wow.
Lex: I'm just a strong fighter cannot count more than 10...
Gude: Of course. The foes all go dead before you reach this number.
Lex: You speak hard...
Lex: ... but I knock hard.
Lex: We're equals!
Gude: Indeed.
Lex: Me love being barbarian!
Lex: You're god?
Gude: No. But even the wisest elder can do the slightest blow of air without the will of the Master God, Cuia.
Gude: He controls us all. We are at his mercy.
Lex: Cuia, the Sucrilhos Recipient.
Gude: Precisely. The Promised Land of the Banned Corn Flakes.
Gude: They were banned from the Corn Flakes Box realm.
Lex: They fought against the attack of the Evil Milky Dudes!
Gude: These guys are strong enemies. We shall not give up! We have to call for aid!
Lex: From whom?
Gude: O Mighty White Sugar! Come to our help!
Gude: (And then a sudden snow falls from the sky)
Gude: It's now or never my allies! Chaaaaaaaaaaarge!
Lex: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Lex: uuuiiuiuooaaaauiauaauaaaaiaaaoaaoa (soundtrack)
Gude: But...
Gude: ... an unexpected enemy raises from behind the table.
Lex: The spoon?
Gude: Right on the spot, my little friend!
Lex: But there is no spoon!
Gude: "There is no spoon! There is no spoon!" chant the corn flakes army in unison.
Lex: WRREEEEEECCCCKKK!!!!!
Lex: Claim the angry unexistent!
Gude: Terrified, the Evil Milky Dudes call "Retreaaaaaat! Retreaaaaaaaat!"
Gude: But it was too late, for the corn flakes have taken all of Cuia's territory, and have spreaded their tasty traces all over it.
Lex: And people got addicted to it, needing more and more of that white dust.
Gude: They built a temple for Mighty White Sugar God, as his aid was of great importance.
Lex: But there was no more, their creators were expelled from the Cuia's land.
Gude: And they all live together in peace, addicted to the sugar rain.
Lex: Chuif, chuif... I love happy endings...
Gude: Yes... But now, we shall claim Cuia to the battle!
Gude: We need to get to the Hohoc An Tada lands, so we can spread our message!
Lex: The God? Himself? On a battle? Has your helm been broken down lately?
Gude: No, but we need to pray for him so we can have more wars, because we, corn flakes, cannot sniff this white stuff forever, you know.
Lex: Cannot? SURE we can!
Lex: Are you intending to kill this little delicious beloved white soft dust?
Gude: Not kill. But we need to spend our time in other things. Like battling, for example.
Lex: Thou want to taste my spear?
Gude: No, thank you. Really.
Lex: White dust is all, all that matter is white dust...
Lex: White dust...
Lex: White dust...
Candian: Good gods, man, you need some treatment.
Lex: I feel happy within the dust...
Lex: You don't like the dust...
Lex: ... I DONT LIKE YOU!
Lex: You want to take out our precious dust...
Lex: ... my precious...

Porque eu não trabalhei hoje

Estava eu voltando pra casa quando minha avó me disse: "Ei, meu sobrinho querido, venha aqui comer uma bicicleta de fubá!" Então peguei meu navio e fui voando até lá, mas a NASA apareceu e me multou dizendo que meus pneus estavam carecas. Eu bem que disse pra eles usarem Grecin 2000.

Consegui chegar lá rastejando no ar, mas lembrei: "Puxa, tenho que comprar carnes!" Fui até a farmácia e dei a receita para o padeiro. Ele pegou, processou a massa, levou ao forno e me entregou o computador, prontinho. Desci no primeiro ponto e liguei para a Internet, ao que fui prontamente respondido: "Não estou a fim de sair hoje... Bebi muito ontem, estou congestionada." A minha avó já tinha me dado um pedaço da bicicleta a esta altura, mas ela era azul, e eu não gostava muito de bicicletas azuis de fubá.

Voltei pra minha casa, na Lua. Lá é bem melhor: ou tudo é branco ou tudo é escuro, não tem essa de cores. Bem mais limpo e simples. Fui para a minha cratera me deitar, e sonhei com o São Dragão matando o Jorge. Uma pena, eu gostava do Zezinho Pirilampo, que era o vigia da fronteira do lado escuro de Marte.

Quando acordei, eu estava num hospital: alguém tinha chegado e levado a minha cama, por isso não consegui andar até o meu trabalho.